Weekend Humor: Rx?


Went to a local pharmacy to pick up a prescription. While I waited in the line noticed an elderly gentleman waiting behind me. I asked that gentleman to go ahead of me. He had received a notification for picking up prescription refill yesterday. The pharmacist did not find any prescription ready for pickup. After checking the computer the pharmacist informed him that it had already been picked up yesterday. As I stepped up to the counter I had to ask the obvious question: Was the elderly gentleman picking up a prescription for forgetfulness? πŸ™‚ The pharmacist smiled and said no but he had quite a few other prescription refills πŸ™

Weekend Humor: SeΓ±or Raj, what is love? πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ

Simple pleasures of life make for fun. One of my stupid, simple pleasures is popping bubbles in bubblewrap 😊 One night this week as I was cleaning and stuffing waste in trash bag in preparation for trash pickup the following day I noticed bubblewraps lying around. Some packages delivered recently had come wrapped in bubblewrap. My eyes widened and I said to myself “Forget cleaning, it’s time for some entertainment!” πŸ˜„ I started popping one bubble at a time. Found it would take too much time by the time I was done with all the bubbles. Then I decided a way to speed up the entertainment would be to use my foot and go about popping bubbles dragging my heel across the bubblewrap in a line, across and so forth! The dulcet tones of the bubbles bursting one after another in quick succession was like sweet music to my ears πŸ‘ŒπŸ˜… My wife who was in another room came into the room I was having fun in a little later and asked “What was that sound I heard?”. I responded “I was creating wrap music!” πŸ˜‚ She cast a quizzical glance at me before she looked at the floor and realized what I was up to. As she turned to go back to a different room I added “I am working on my craft and if I keep at it I may even win a Grammy for the best wrap artist of the year!” πŸ˜‰ She walked away shaking her head. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ The import of what I was doing hit me then! I am a dot-com bubble bu(r)ster and no ordinary one at that, I am Amazon dot-com bubble bu(r)ster. Ok, I will make it Prime Amazon dot-com bubble bu(r)ster if you insist. πŸ˜‚ I think my show is ready for prime time and I don’t mean just Prime TV. I imagine lot of requests streaming in for my show. I love what I do, you can say I “act with love”! I am looking around me now and I see some bubblewraps around and some that are pillow shaped big ones. Man, I have a long way to go and hope my neighbors don’t make explosive allegations on hearing the big bubbles pop. I am getting stressed out. 😧 No worries, I just got to take a deep breath and carry on. Bubble popping can be a great stress buster too! πŸ‘ Did you realize SeΓ±or Raj saved you the effort of asking “Alexa, what is love?” Providing new form of entertainment with opportunity to de-stress, that’s a public service act for sure. πŸ‘
Wow, is there a better way to start the weekend? I didn’t think so either. 🀣 You are welcome πŸ˜ŠπŸ™

Labor Day Satire: I could have been University topper! πŸ˜‰

I honestly feel (πŸ˜‰) I was robbed of an opportunity to be University topper. Did someone say “Were you deprived of good tutoring and lacked guidance from teachers to put in focused effort?” Nah, that would have been too much hard work with no guarantee of success. A much simpler way I could have topped the University exams: Plead the Fifth! Hear me out and you will agree. For every question in the exam I should have answered “I plead the Fifth”. What would have happened if I had done that? When the exam results came out some talented and hardworking fella would have been declared the topper. 😑 That woulda been the right time for me to move in and declare I should have been the topper instead. What would have happened next? The University would have said I never answered any of the questions. To that my response would have been “I pled the Fifth because the exam questions were unfair and designed to prevent me from emerging as topper”. Noticing this in the news some successful lawyer/s with high-powered team would have taken up my case pro bono. πŸ‘ Asking for a stay in declaration of exam results a date in the distant future would have been set to hear my case. I could then ignore repeated summons for me to appear in person for the case hearing claiming I was too busy to appear in court. A ruling would be issued against me. My legal team would then appeal against the ruling saying I never got a fair chance to state my case and take it to a higher court. The same scenario would play out till the case reached the highest court of the land in a few years. I would then appear in court and plead the Fifth to every question asked. Exasperated by all the delay and wary of dragging this case any further both sides would have reached a compromise: Declare me as joint topper! πŸ‘
Would that be justice for the person who studied hard and topped the exam? I plead the Fifth, of course! πŸ˜‚

P.S. What better day than Labor Day and Teachers’ Day in India to plead my case πŸ˜„

Weekend Humor: Have you seen my wife? πŸ™‚

It’s a busy weekend at a LA area shopping mall. A security guard near the exit door of the mall notices a man running around as if he is searching frantically for something. The security guard calls out to the man
Security Guard: Sir, can I help you?
The man approaches the security guard, flashes a badge and announces “I am Lt Columbo, from LAPD”
Security Guard (looking at the badge): Ah, the famous Columbo from the LAPD homicide department! What brings you here, Sir? If I may, I must say I have been dying to meet you (and lets out a guffaw pleased with his own joke) πŸ˜‚
Lt Columbo: You sure do have a sense of humor πŸ˜€ I am looking for my wife. We were shopping in the mall and I don’t know where she is gone. Have you seen her?
Security Guard: You got to be kidding, Sir! You have mentioned about her so many times on TV but we haven’t ever seen her 😊 To help you I will need more details. Can you provide some?
Lt Columbo: Sure, she is very bright woman! And… (absentmindedly Lt Columbo walks away)
Security Guard: “And” what, Sir?
Lt Columbo: Just one more thing πŸ˜‰ She loves dogs. She absolutely adores our dog
Security Guard: What kind of dog? Is the dog with her here?
Lt Columbo: No, the dog is in the car
Security Guard: In that case I will need something more. Do you have her picture with you?
Lt Columbo: I sure do! Here, hold this cigar for me. (Rummaging through his raincoat/jacket) I have it somewhere here. Hmmm…Can you hold my jacket for me? (hands over the jacket to the security guard and searches in his coat pockets and only finds some old shopping bills, a boiled egg and other pieces of useless paper. Removes his coat and hands it to the security guard). Can you hold my coat too?
Security Guard (struggling to hold it all): Sure, Sir! Are you looking in your shirt and trouser pockets?
Lt Columbo: Yes, I am. (after a bit) Hmmm…Can you believe it, I can’t find it (absentmindedly playing with his belt buckle)
Security Guard: Whoa, whoa, hold on, you could be booked for indecent exposure if you remove your shirt and trousers too in public, Sir! 😟
Lt Columbo: No worries, I will look for her myself and walks in towards the shops
Security Guard: Sir, you forgot your coat, jacket, half-smoked cigar, egg and other pieces of paper!
Lt Columbo: Oh, sorry about that. (Picks up his stuff). I better hurry, hopefully she is not searching for me now (and runs towards the exit)
Security Guard: Sir, that’s the exit. I thought you were looking inside the mall πŸ˜„
Lt Columbo: Oh, yeah! Thanks! (and runs inside the mall)
Security Guard (shaking his head and mutters) “I wonder how he solves all his cases!” πŸ˜‚

2022 Raj Farm Update# 8: Creeping body of evidence!

Earlier this week got an unexpected call from my lawyer, DL, who said he had bad news. This is how the conversation went.
DL: I have got bad news for you, Raj! You have to appear before court for a misrepresentation case.
Raj: Really? You got to be kidding! I am a tax-paying, law-abiding citizen. Why am I in trouble?
DL: Nope, it’s serious and for real. You got to haul your ass to a court in Sicily, Italy!
Raj: Whoa, whoa, some respect please! I don’t pay you big bucks to call me names like lazy bum. Even if that’s true those are my features, not bugs πŸ˜‰
DL: Well, my friend, the case of misrepresentation against you has been brought on you by the famed Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families.
Raj: That’s surprising indeed.
DL: Surprise it may be but you have to show up in a court in Sicily, Italy, within 48 hours
Raj: It’s busy, farming season for me. Can’t it wait?
DL: I am sorry but you cannot reject or put off the court summons. Will be treated as contempt of court I am afraid.
Raj: Ok, I will take the earliest flight. See you there

Off I flew to Sicily. Had a brief discussion with my lawyer on reaching there to understand the charges against me and to discuss defense strategy. The next morning we headed for the court. As we entered the courtroom I heard strains of familiar, haunting and melodious music, yet it had a spine-chilling effect on me. Felt surreal as if I was entering Godfather territory! Take a listen, you will agree ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWqKPWO5T4o ).
It was a rather somber atmosphere in the courtroom. As the very stern looking judge, Rule Legali (RL), entered the room the bailiff announced “All arise!”.
The charges were read. In one of the posts on Raj Farm I had referred to cucumber as tomato (by mistake, I must add) to the consternation of Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families. That’s considered a very serious offense in Italy I was informed, especially in the Naples and Sicily areas. I spotted in the courtroom Stan Marzano, Tony Roma and EL Cool C (Everybody Loves Cool Cucumber) with their family consiglieres. The prosecution began its case.

Sicily Prosecutor (SP): Good morning, everyone. I am here representing the Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families. The actions of defendant, Raj, have caused pain and anguish to those families. We will make our case today before the esteemed judge and when we are done there will be no doubt about guilt of the defendant. As witnesses in the court we have Herby Parsley and Flavy Basil. They are sworn to omerta but will make an exception today as there is Sicilian honor at stake. Let’s start with Prosecution Exhibit 1.
Your honor, last weekend the defendant, while posting about Raj Farm, referred to cucumber as tomato ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-5…/ ) upsetting the famed families.
Raj: LOL, did the cucumber lose its cool? πŸ˜‚
Judge Rule Legali (RL): Mr Raj, we are here to transact serious business. Cut down on your wisecracks or you will be in trouble for disrupting the court’s proceedings.
Raj: Sorry, your Honor. It won’t happen again πŸ™
Judge RL: Mr SP, you may proceed with your case!
SP: As I mentioned earlier the affected families zealously guard their reputation and any misrepresentation directly affects their business and public perception of them. I think the actions of defendant were deliberate.
Defense Lawyer (DL): I object, your Honor!
Judge RL: Objection overruled! Mr DL, let’s first hear what Mr SP has to say.
SP: Thanks, your Honor! The shape and size of the leaves should have been a dead giveaway to the defendant as to the identity of the plant.
Judge RL: That’s true.
SP: Now, let’s look at Prosecution Exhibit 2. Later this week the defendant, in another post ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-7-c-is-for/ ), tried to cover up this error. We believe the creeping body of evidence is what forced the defendant to take such action. It was not from remorse for a wrong action.
DL: I object, your Honor! We resent that insinuation 😑
Judge RL: Objection sustained. Mr SP, just present the facts of the case. The court will make its ruling.
SP: Ok, your Honor! We wish to call Herby Parsley and Flavy Basil as our witnesses. Herby and Flavy confirm that they have seen Raj around the tomato and cucumber plants long enough to be able to recognize them.

Judge RL: I have heard the prosecution’s case. Mr DL, you may proceed with your rebuttal. Do you want to present any evidence?
DL: Sure, your Honor! Let’s look at Defense Exhibit 1. As you can see, your Honor, the tomato and cucumber plants are so intertwined it’s a little difficult to differentiate between them.
Judge RL: That’s true!
DL: Further let’s look at Prosecution Exhibits 1 and 2. Granted in the 1st exhibit the leaves make it clear it’s a cucumber plant but it’s easy to miss that out given that it’s surrounded by tomato plants. Only in the 2nd exhibit it becomes apparent that the plant in focus is cucumber. In any case of this nature it’s important to consider the intent. Why would my client, Raj, sing praises of the cucumber ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-7-c-is-for/ ) if there was malicious intent? It was just a honest mistake, your Honor! We request that the case be dismissed πŸ™
Judge RL: We will look at the case made by both the prosecution and defense and then arrive at a judgment. At this time does the defendant wish to say anything?
Raj: Yes, your Honor! I apologize for the misrepresentation. As my lawyer mentioned it was just a honest mistake and there was no malicious intent involved. πŸ™
Judge RL: Ok, gentlemen, both sides have presented their case. Thanks for presenting your case in a civil manner, the court appreciates that. Rule legally I must and rule legally I will! We will reassemble at the end of summer when I will announce my ruling. Mr Raj, I would suggest you get some tomatoes and cucumbers from Raj Farm at that time.
Raj: Yes, your Honor, it shall be my honor to do that! πŸ‘ Will the court rule Guilty or Not Guilty? What will be consequences of a Guilty verdict?
Judge RL: Mr Raj, considering the exceptional circumstances of this case the verdict is going to be Tasty or Not Tasty! We take our business seriously but we do have a sense of humor.
Raj: Haha, you do have an unique sense of humor! 😊
Judgle RL: The court is dismissed for the day. See you all at the end of summer! Stay safe! πŸ™

(Un)fun words of the day: Beerier, Sorptive, Vivat!

Let’s take a look at the meaning of words of the day.
beerier: 1. smelling or tasting of beer. 2. given to drinking beer
sorptive: 1. The process of sorbing 2. The state of being sorbed [Back-formation from absorption and adsorption.]
vivat: A cry wishing someone long life and prosperity

I am not going to try to use beerier, sorptive or vivat in a sentence. Those words are not part of my regular vocabulary and will not make for interesting read. A story is more interesting though! Here we go!
What is life without a challenge? Dull and uninteresting, right? That was my thinking when I decided to take on grandmaster rated computer opponent in Scrabble word game. How has the experience been? I have been getting schooled pretty much every game πŸ˜ƒ Good old fashioned country ass whooping would be a fair and more colorful description. πŸ˜‚ Akin to a chess enthusiast playing a chess grandmaster. Let’s take a look at one of the games (picture attached to the post). It started promisingly when I started with a 50+ score for the word, ralline (which means of, relating to, or resembling the rails), a word I was not aware of but tried in desperate way to start strong and apply pressure. How did the computer respond? With back to back 50+ scores playing the words “wargamer” and “ukuleles”, sending me staggering back. The coup de grace came when the computer played “yatching” for a triple word score with a 50 point bonus thrown in for all using 7 seven letters in a turn. Against lesser rated opponents one or two 50 point bonus scores and final score of over 300 is good enough for a win by a comfortable margin. Playing against the grandmaster it’s just good for a crushing defeat. Some games after scoring over 400 I have found myself losing by over 100 points! Overall it’s been a humbling and learning experience for sure. In one game finding myself trailing by quite a bit spotted an opportunity to play the eff word. No luck, the word used to express a wide range of emotions was not recognized by the game even though it’s a valid word and supposed to be a Scrabble word πŸ‘Ž WTHeck doesn’t pack the same power as WTF. Sounds unfun, eh? Sorry, mate, we are out of luck there too. 😑 Unfun may be a valid word in urban dictionary, meaning lack of fun, but it’s not a valid scrabble word.

With just a lone win and dozens of losses to show why do I still play against grandmaster rated computer opponent? That’s a valid question as it seems like a lost cause. Few reasons. Playing against stronger opponent is a way to measure one’s level, improve and stay humble. It’s just a game and unlike real life where at times all may appear to be lost when one’s words may get twisted, one’s intentions may be doubted, one’s actions may be questioned. By people who should know better. For no good reason. In real life perception and emotions reign supreme, right or wrong. Life still goes on. πŸ‘ You play hard but fair, you win some, you lose some. There is something to be said about losing with dignity. Nothing is lost if dignity stays intact IMHO. That’s a great life lesson and worth learning πŸ™

2022 Raj Farm Update# 3: Firewalls!

It’s a sure sign of summer at Raj Farm. 4-legged hackers have been gaining access to and stealing data (flowers, fruits, veggies, leaves, shoots and anything else that is edible!). 😑It’s a summerlong game the hackers like to call “Stop me if you can” that’s played out past few years at Raj Farm. πŸ˜ƒ Security is of prime importance and so we have put up firewalls for protection of the plants. I know the firewalls/cages/trellis around lettuce, beets, parsley and salsa peppers have wide range of ports open making them less secure but it’s to satisfy application (of hands to pluck produce) needs. 😊 The hackers have drawn first blood with successful breach of lettuce, beets, parsley and salsa pepper containers. The situation will be closely monitored rest of the summer and security updates issued as necessary πŸ˜‰
Nah, I am not angry or upset with the 4-legged hackers. Wifey says if they win we earn good karma for feeding hungry creatures, I agree with that πŸ‘ The hackers are very resourceful πŸ‘ but I just wish they were smarter though. Let me explain. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” goes a saying. And my hand waters the plants! If the hackers don’t show enough restraint they are jeopardizing their own food source πŸ˜‚

Learning while playing!

It’s been another turbulent week for the world. Seeing people leave everything behind for safety has been distressing to watch. Such is human conflict that it affects the most vulnerable the most. Hopefully there will be a peaceful resolution soon and the damage can be limited to what it is at this time. On to something light to lift up the spirits.

It’s amazing that one can learn in the most unexpected places. I was playing scrabble online with a virtual opponent, Freya! For those interested Freya is a mythical Asgardian appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics, based on the Norse deity of the same name. Within the context of the stories, Freya is the Asgardian goddess of fertility. She appears as a supporting character of Thor. The game started and Freya played the word CUE. It was a miscue as the pieces I had gave me an opportunity for a bonus. Guess what the word was that I played? OLIGARCH! Got a 50 point bonus for using all seven letters in one try. I am thinking oligarchs still have high value on a scrabble board at least. The game progressed and virtual opponent Freya pushed her luck when she snucked in a Y after OLIGARCH. Too bad for Freya because by then the bite of sanctions had started to sink in and the value of OLIGARCHY had already started depreciating πŸ˜‰ Game mirrors life at times and reflects current reality. Norse character Freya/Freyja is supposed to be in charge of love, fertility, battle, and death and this is one battle she lost. The lesson: Betting on a oligarch may work once but in the long run betting on oligarchy is risky! πŸ™

Not a bad life lesson to learn playing a word game, eh 😊

Separated at birth? πŸ˜‰

Federal agents from the U.S. Marshals led by the great Samuel β€˜Fiery Sam’ Gerard are investigating a case of twins apparently separated at birth. Fiery Sam is known for his steely determination to bring justice whatever it takes. Nothing illustrates that better than below conversation heard between Fiery Sam and Deputy US Marshal Cosmo β€˜CR’ Renfro πŸ˜‰πŸ˜€

CR: What the hell is the matter with you? Sam, you can’t do this. I know how you feel. Look, I feel the same way. I loved that kid, too, but this is wrong. I’m telling you this as your friend.
Fiery Sam: You’re not my friend.
CR (enraged): Fine. Forget it. You wanna kill that SOB who separated that kid, go ahead, you do it. But remember this: You forget everything you taught me about this job. The rules, the regulations, the code. You do this, and it’s all about you. It’s not about bringing justice to the unfortunate family. It’s about you. The great Fiery Sam. 😑
Fiery Sam (goes into the elevator by himself): Yes, I am.
CR: And you always have to win.
Fiery Sam (as the elevator door closes): Yes, I do. πŸ˜‰