Tag: father

Remembering Father: Requiem for a great man 🙏

Sad to inform that my father passed away early morning on March 3, 2025. He passed away peacefully at home with mother and me by his side after a brief stay in the hospital. He had been unwell for couple of months. He was 90. After a restless sleep overnight, his breathing was labored. To soothe him I offered a prayer of his favorite Hindu God, Lord Hanuman. By the time I had finished the prayer his life had either ebbed out of him or was very close to ebbing out. His eyes were open and had a glazed, distant look. When breath became air, his face looked calm and he was in a better place, free of pain, and ready to meet His Maker after living a long, happy and good life 🙏

An unassuming and helpful man, dad departed the earthly life just as he had lived: in a quiet, dignified manner. To me how much power a person has is not as important as using the power in a positive way. Dad used his power in many ways to effect a positive outcome. Whether helping out pensioners with their queries or help clear obstacles to help them get their money, using his power as a school committee member to make learning a better experience for students, helping deserving students get admission, helping qualified teachers get an opportunity to teach, or using the power vested in him, as a gazette officer recognized by the Government, numerous were the ways he helped out others quietly, without expecting any gain in return👍 A devoted family man, he made sure he always had time for us. Towards the end of his long and fruitful career he even removed himself from consideration for promotion as that would have meant staying away from the family. I can’t dream of doing even a fraction of the good deeds that dad has done. He was very active till about couple of months ago, leading a very simple and disciplined life. His routine involved visiting couple of temples early morning in the community where he lived, followed by prayers at home, for the welfare of family and peace and prosperity for all. As news of his passing away reached members of the community, relatives, family friends and even acquaintances the first reaction was one of disbelief. Many were saying the sight of him return from temples’ visit in the morning, greeting them warmly with a smile, while they were on their way to work was such a familiar sight it was taken a sign all is well and normal in the world.😊 Many were unanimous in praising dad for his humility, knowledge and wisdom, love for reading and writing, knowledge and love of South Indian classical music, his keenness to share and help, and support and encouraging words for all. It was wonderful to see the love, affection and respect so many people had for dad expressed so sincerely. Left me wondering if I ever thanked him enough for all the kindness he showered on me, if I ever said sorry enough times when I might have sounded unintentionally harsh (of course he was always magnanimous and forgiving as he understood the intent), if I ever said I loved him enough times for all the unconditional love I received. Those regrets will remain with me. 😭 I posted on FB and my blog knowing about his love for reading and writing and his eyes always brightened with delight seeing my posts as he read my posts and commented with words of praise and encouragement 😊I will miss that too 😭

In the present tense while I am struggling to recover from the shock of dad not being around physically, it’s been a flood of emotions and memories that I am still processing through. The toughest thing has been to mention or even think about dad in the past tense. For a long time, I had not shed tears and the past few days I have been finding my eyes getting moist/watery with emotion frequently and I have even burst into tears a few times. I realize I must stay strong for my mom. Dad and mom were married in 1962 and stayed happily married for 62+ years till the time it was literally “till death do us part”. In addition to being blessed with the protective hand of both parents over my head until now, I was blessed to be near dad past few weeks and help out mom and dad just a wee bit. Both mom and dad were so grateful just for my presence. Even as his health was in decline dad was more worried about him being a burden, just for needing a bit of help. This despite my reminding him it was nothing compared to all he had done for me and our family and actually feeling blessed to be near him. Can’t help wondering if passing away was his last selfless act, in a life full of them, to avoid being a burden on anybody 😭
Dad – You may be gone physically, yet you will always remain in our hearts and continue blessing us from above 🙏

I want to eat a good peda!

Another trip down memory lane 🙂 Grew up in a home that was located centrally in the suburb we lived in and easily accessible by public transport or within walking distance for many people. We had many visitors drop by just to say hello or for other specific reasons. Living in a big, crowded city that meant steady stream of visitors on a regular basis. Dad worked as an officer for Indian Government and he was also active as a committee member of local school trying to do his bit of volunteering to give back to society in his own small way. Got to meet an interesting and eclectic group of people, some of them strangers too, as they visited our home. Some folks used to come for a chat about their personal situation and probably just wanted someone to hear them out. If you are patient listener there is always a sob story waiting to be heard 🙂

One group of people were retired Government servants. They would come seeking assistance if their file got stuck in some Government office and needed help in getting the files moving. Dad would speak to the relevant department employee/s to help the folks get the pension due to them. Others looked for help in understanding arcane rules or changes that would affect their pension. They were grateful for whatever help or guidance they got.

Another group of people were those seeking admission to school. Some of them needed admission for their kids because they got transferred in their jobs in the middle of the school year and a word or recommendation could speed up things and/or make the transition smoother. Then there were others who would seek admission after trying in other schools first. It was interesting to hear them say this was their dream school and spin other tales to make their case 😀

The third group of people are the ones I remember the most. Dad was a gazetted officer (similar to a notary in the US) and this position allowed him to certify some documents and photocopies of marksheets. I think this was one level of security to prevent forgery by having an authorized person check the original and certify that the information was correct. I was dad’s trusted lieutenant always enthusiastically whipping out the official stamp and ink pad ready for dad to do the needful. There were some interesting experiences. Dad being interested in education would show me marksheet (result card) of students that had done extremely well and it was very inspiring to see the outstanding results in those pristine marksheets. I recollect one instance when dad refused to certify something that a person wanted. I was kind of surprised and thought why is dad playing so hard and refusing to do his duty of certifying. To my simple mind if anyone came seeking help they had to be helped. After that person had gone I asked my dad the reason. He explained to me that the person wanted certification of low income for some scholarship and it would be wrong to do that without any supporting evidence. Ah, for a moment I forgot that I inherited the desire to help from the way my parents had raised me.

People would show their appreciation for the help received. Once we got a box of milk chocolates from a person who was grateful for a truckload of documents he got certified. I made quick work of those chocolates 😀 My most abiding memory though is of people distributing pedas (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peda) to celebrate their kid’s graduation. While some of them were of high quality there were quite a few that were sugary concoctions that were bad imitations of the good stuff. Just as a high quality ice cream has more cream and less ice a good quality peda should have more khoa (dried whole milk or milk thickened by heating) and less sugar. For a while wiping off memories of those bad pedas became a bit of life mission for me 😀 After I started working I used to buy high quality pedas every now and then till those bad memories were consigned to the dustbin of history 😉

Moral of the story: Did you say I like good pedas? True and close 😀 but that’s not the response I was looking for. Being in a position to help is a blessing and helping others in need without expecting anything in return is the best thing anyone can do! Thanks dad (and mom) for teaching the virtues of helping. It’s the greatest gift anyone can get!