Category: On a lighter note

Weekend Humor: Have you seen my wife? 🙂

It’s a busy weekend at a LA area shopping mall. A security guard near the exit door of the mall notices a man running around as if he is searching frantically for something. The security guard calls out to the man
Security Guard: Sir, can I help you?
The man approaches the security guard, flashes a badge and announces “I am Lt Columbo, from LAPD”
Security Guard (looking at the badge): Ah, the famous Columbo from the LAPD homicide department! What brings you here, Sir? If I may, I must say I have been dying to meet you (and lets out a guffaw pleased with his own joke) 😂
Lt Columbo: You sure do have a sense of humor 😀 I am looking for my wife. We were shopping in the mall and I don’t know where she is gone. Have you seen her?
Security Guard: You got to be kidding, Sir! You have mentioned about her so many times on TV but we haven’t ever seen her 😊 To help you I will need more details. Can you provide some?
Lt Columbo: Sure, she is very bright woman! And… (absentmindedly Lt Columbo walks away)
Security Guard: “And” what, Sir?
Lt Columbo: Just one more thing 😉 She loves dogs. She absolutely adores our dog
Security Guard: What kind of dog? Is the dog with her here?
Lt Columbo: No, the dog is in the car
Security Guard: In that case I will need something more. Do you have her picture with you?
Lt Columbo: I sure do! Here, hold this cigar for me. (Rummaging through his raincoat/jacket) I have it somewhere here. Hmmm…Can you hold my jacket for me? (hands over the jacket to the security guard and searches in his coat pockets and only finds some old shopping bills, a boiled egg and other pieces of useless paper. Removes his coat and hands it to the security guard). Can you hold my coat too?
Security Guard (struggling to hold it all): Sure, Sir! Are you looking in your shirt and trouser pockets?
Lt Columbo: Yes, I am. (after a bit) Hmmm…Can you believe it, I can’t find it (absentmindedly playing with his belt buckle)
Security Guard: Whoa, whoa, hold on, you could be booked for indecent exposure if you remove your shirt and trousers too in public, Sir! 😟
Lt Columbo: No worries, I will look for her myself and walks in towards the shops
Security Guard: Sir, you forgot your coat, jacket, half-smoked cigar, egg and other pieces of paper!
Lt Columbo: Oh, sorry about that. (Picks up his stuff). I better hurry, hopefully she is not searching for me now (and runs towards the exit)
Security Guard: Sir, that’s the exit. I thought you were looking inside the mall 😄
Lt Columbo: Oh, yeah! Thanks! (and runs inside the mall)
Security Guard (shaking his head and mutters) “I wonder how he solves all his cases!” 😂

2022 Raj Farm Update# 8: Creeping body of evidence!

Earlier this week got an unexpected call from my lawyer, DL, who said he had bad news. This is how the conversation went.
DL: I have got bad news for you, Raj! You have to appear before court for a misrepresentation case.
Raj: Really? You got to be kidding! I am a tax-paying, law-abiding citizen. Why am I in trouble?
DL: Nope, it’s serious and for real. You got to haul your ass to a court in Sicily, Italy!
Raj: Whoa, whoa, some respect please! I don’t pay you big bucks to call me names like lazy bum. Even if that’s true those are my features, not bugs 😉
DL: Well, my friend, the case of misrepresentation against you has been brought on you by the famed Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families.
Raj: That’s surprising indeed.
DL: Surprise it may be but you have to show up in a court in Sicily, Italy, within 48 hours
Raj: It’s busy, farming season for me. Can’t it wait?
DL: I am sorry but you cannot reject or put off the court summons. Will be treated as contempt of court I am afraid.
Raj: Ok, I will take the earliest flight. See you there

Off I flew to Sicily. Had a brief discussion with my lawyer on reaching there to understand the charges against me and to discuss defense strategy. The next morning we headed for the court. As we entered the courtroom I heard strains of familiar, haunting and melodious music, yet it had a spine-chilling effect on me. Felt surreal as if I was entering Godfather territory! Take a listen, you will agree ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWqKPWO5T4o ).
It was a rather somber atmosphere in the courtroom. As the very stern looking judge, Rule Legali (RL), entered the room the bailiff announced “All arise!”.
The charges were read. In one of the posts on Raj Farm I had referred to cucumber as tomato (by mistake, I must add) to the consternation of Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families. That’s considered a very serious offense in Italy I was informed, especially in the Naples and Sicily areas. I spotted in the courtroom Stan Marzano, Tony Roma and EL Cool C (Everybody Loves Cool Cucumber) with their family consiglieres. The prosecution began its case.

Sicily Prosecutor (SP): Good morning, everyone. I am here representing the Marzano, Roma and Cucumbera families. The actions of defendant, Raj, have caused pain and anguish to those families. We will make our case today before the esteemed judge and when we are done there will be no doubt about guilt of the defendant. As witnesses in the court we have Herby Parsley and Flavy Basil. They are sworn to omerta but will make an exception today as there is Sicilian honor at stake. Let’s start with Prosecution Exhibit 1.
Your honor, last weekend the defendant, while posting about Raj Farm, referred to cucumber as tomato ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-5…/ ) upsetting the famed families.
Raj: LOL, did the cucumber lose its cool? 😂
Judge Rule Legali (RL): Mr Raj, we are here to transact serious business. Cut down on your wisecracks or you will be in trouble for disrupting the court’s proceedings.
Raj: Sorry, your Honor. It won’t happen again 🙏
Judge RL: Mr SP, you may proceed with your case!
SP: As I mentioned earlier the affected families zealously guard their reputation and any misrepresentation directly affects their business and public perception of them. I think the actions of defendant were deliberate.
Defense Lawyer (DL): I object, your Honor!
Judge RL: Objection overruled! Mr DL, let’s first hear what Mr SP has to say.
SP: Thanks, your Honor! The shape and size of the leaves should have been a dead giveaway to the defendant as to the identity of the plant.
Judge RL: That’s true.
SP: Now, let’s look at Prosecution Exhibit 2. Later this week the defendant, in another post ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-7-c-is-for/ ), tried to cover up this error. We believe the creeping body of evidence is what forced the defendant to take such action. It was not from remorse for a wrong action.
DL: I object, your Honor! We resent that insinuation 😡
Judge RL: Objection sustained. Mr SP, just present the facts of the case. The court will make its ruling.
SP: Ok, your Honor! We wish to call Herby Parsley and Flavy Basil as our witnesses. Herby and Flavy confirm that they have seen Raj around the tomato and cucumber plants long enough to be able to recognize them.

Judge RL: I have heard the prosecution’s case. Mr DL, you may proceed with your rebuttal. Do you want to present any evidence?
DL: Sure, your Honor! Let’s look at Defense Exhibit 1. As you can see, your Honor, the tomato and cucumber plants are so intertwined it’s a little difficult to differentiate between them.
Judge RL: That’s true!
DL: Further let’s look at Prosecution Exhibits 1 and 2. Granted in the 1st exhibit the leaves make it clear it’s a cucumber plant but it’s easy to miss that out given that it’s surrounded by tomato plants. Only in the 2nd exhibit it becomes apparent that the plant in focus is cucumber. In any case of this nature it’s important to consider the intent. Why would my client, Raj, sing praises of the cucumber ( https://therajblog.com/…/2022-raj-farm-update-7-c-is-for/ ) if there was malicious intent? It was just a honest mistake, your Honor! We request that the case be dismissed 🙏
Judge RL: We will look at the case made by both the prosecution and defense and then arrive at a judgment. At this time does the defendant wish to say anything?
Raj: Yes, your Honor! I apologize for the misrepresentation. As my lawyer mentioned it was just a honest mistake and there was no malicious intent involved. 🙏
Judge RL: Ok, gentlemen, both sides have presented their case. Thanks for presenting your case in a civil manner, the court appreciates that. Rule legally I must and rule legally I will! We will reassemble at the end of summer when I will announce my ruling. Mr Raj, I would suggest you get some tomatoes and cucumbers from Raj Farm at that time.
Raj: Yes, your Honor, it shall be my honor to do that! 👍 Will the court rule Guilty or Not Guilty? What will be consequences of a Guilty verdict?
Judge RL: Mr Raj, considering the exceptional circumstances of this case the verdict is going to be Tasty or Not Tasty! We take our business seriously but we do have a sense of humor.
Raj: Haha, you do have an unique sense of humor! 😊
Judgle RL: The court is dismissed for the day. See you all at the end of summer! Stay safe! 🙏

(Un)fun words of the day: Beerier, Sorptive, Vivat!

Let’s take a look at the meaning of words of the day.
beerier: 1. smelling or tasting of beer. 2. given to drinking beer
sorptive: 1. The process of sorbing 2. The state of being sorbed [Back-formation from absorption and adsorption.]
vivat: A cry wishing someone long life and prosperity

I am not going to try to use beerier, sorptive or vivat in a sentence. Those words are not part of my regular vocabulary and will not make for interesting read. A story is more interesting though! Here we go!
What is life without a challenge? Dull and uninteresting, right? That was my thinking when I decided to take on grandmaster rated computer opponent in Scrabble word game. How has the experience been? I have been getting schooled pretty much every game 😃 Good old fashioned country ass whooping would be a fair and more colorful description. 😂 Akin to a chess enthusiast playing a chess grandmaster. Let’s take a look at one of the games (picture attached to the post). It started promisingly when I started with a 50+ score for the word, ralline (which means of, relating to, or resembling the rails), a word I was not aware of but tried in desperate way to start strong and apply pressure. How did the computer respond? With back to back 50+ scores playing the words “wargamer” and “ukuleles”, sending me staggering back. The coup de grace came when the computer played “yatching” for a triple word score with a 50 point bonus thrown in for all using 7 seven letters in a turn. Against lesser rated opponents one or two 50 point bonus scores and final score of over 300 is good enough for a win by a comfortable margin. Playing against the grandmaster it’s just good for a crushing defeat. Some games after scoring over 400 I have found myself losing by over 100 points! Overall it’s been a humbling and learning experience for sure. In one game finding myself trailing by quite a bit spotted an opportunity to play the eff word. No luck, the word used to express a wide range of emotions was not recognized by the game even though it’s a valid word and supposed to be a Scrabble word 👎 WTHeck doesn’t pack the same power as WTF. Sounds unfun, eh? Sorry, mate, we are out of luck there too. 😡 Unfun may be a valid word in urban dictionary, meaning lack of fun, but it’s not a valid scrabble word.

With just a lone win and dozens of losses to show why do I still play against grandmaster rated computer opponent? That’s a valid question as it seems like a lost cause. Few reasons. Playing against stronger opponent is a way to measure one’s level, improve and stay humble. It’s just a game and unlike real life where at times all may appear to be lost when one’s words may get twisted, one’s intentions may be doubted, one’s actions may be questioned. By people who should know better. For no good reason. In real life perception and emotions reign supreme, right or wrong. Life still goes on. 👍 You play hard but fair, you win some, you lose some. There is something to be said about losing with dignity. Nothing is lost if dignity stays intact IMHO. That’s a great life lesson and worth learning 🙏

2022 Raj Farm Update# 3: Firewalls!

It’s a sure sign of summer at Raj Farm. 4-legged hackers have been gaining access to and stealing data (flowers, fruits, veggies, leaves, shoots and anything else that is edible!). 😡It’s a summerlong game the hackers like to call “Stop me if you can” that’s played out past few years at Raj Farm. 😃 Security is of prime importance and so we have put up firewalls for protection of the plants. I know the firewalls/cages/trellis around lettuce, beets, parsley and salsa peppers have wide range of ports open making them less secure but it’s to satisfy application (of hands to pluck produce) needs. 😊 The hackers have drawn first blood with successful breach of lettuce, beets, parsley and salsa pepper containers. The situation will be closely monitored rest of the summer and security updates issued as necessary 😉
Nah, I am not angry or upset with the 4-legged hackers. Wifey says if they win we earn good karma for feeding hungry creatures, I agree with that 👍 The hackers are very resourceful 👏 but I just wish they were smarter though. Let me explain. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” goes a saying. And my hand waters the plants! If the hackers don’t show enough restraint they are jeopardizing their own food source 😂

Learning while playing!

It’s been another turbulent week for the world. Seeing people leave everything behind for safety has been distressing to watch. Such is human conflict that it affects the most vulnerable the most. Hopefully there will be a peaceful resolution soon and the damage can be limited to what it is at this time. On to something light to lift up the spirits.

It’s amazing that one can learn in the most unexpected places. I was playing scrabble online with a virtual opponent, Freya! For those interested Freya is a mythical Asgardian appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics, based on the Norse deity of the same name. Within the context of the stories, Freya is the Asgardian goddess of fertility. She appears as a supporting character of Thor. The game started and Freya played the word CUE. It was a miscue as the pieces I had gave me an opportunity for a bonus. Guess what the word was that I played? OLIGARCH! Got a 50 point bonus for using all seven letters in one try. I am thinking oligarchs still have high value on a scrabble board at least. The game progressed and virtual opponent Freya pushed her luck when she snucked in a Y after OLIGARCH. Too bad for Freya because by then the bite of sanctions had started to sink in and the value of OLIGARCHY had already started depreciating 😉 Game mirrors life at times and reflects current reality. Norse character Freya/Freyja is supposed to be in charge of love, fertility, battle, and death and this is one battle she lost. The lesson: Betting on a oligarch may work once but in the long run betting on oligarchy is risky! 🙏

Not a bad life lesson to learn playing a word game, eh 😊

Separated at birth? 😉

Federal agents from the U.S. Marshals led by the great Samuel ‘Fiery Sam’ Gerard are investigating a case of twins apparently separated at birth. Fiery Sam is known for his steely determination to bring justice whatever it takes. Nothing illustrates that better than below conversation heard between Fiery Sam and Deputy US Marshal Cosmo ‘CR’ Renfro 😉😀

CR: What the hell is the matter with you? Sam, you can’t do this. I know how you feel. Look, I feel the same way. I loved that kid, too, but this is wrong. I’m telling you this as your friend.
Fiery Sam: You’re not my friend.
CR (enraged): Fine. Forget it. You wanna kill that SOB who separated that kid, go ahead, you do it. But remember this: You forget everything you taught me about this job. The rules, the regulations, the code. You do this, and it’s all about you. It’s not about bringing justice to the unfortunate family. It’s about you. The great Fiery Sam. 😡
Fiery Sam (goes into the elevator by himself): Yes, I am.
CR: And you always have to win.
Fiery Sam (as the elevator door closes): Yes, I do. 😉

COVID-19 trends and NFL


The first wave/s of COVID-19 in the USA struck Seattle first, New York and California next, hit Southern states like Texas followed by Midwest states like Wisconsin.

This offseason in NFL appears to be following the same trend. First there were reports about tremors in Seattle with Seahawks QB Russell Wilson demanding a trade to a different team, then there were whispers about San Francisco 49ers planning to send QB Jimmy Garoppolo packing and in the past few weeks lot of talk about Packers QB Aaron Rodgers wanting a way out of Green Bay!

Did someone ask “But what about New York and Texas?”

Elementary my dear Watson!

In recent years whichever way the wind blows the NY teams (NY Giants, NY Jets) and Texas teams (Dallas Cowboys, Houston Texans) always get hit hard 😂

Sorry, NY and Texas football fans 🙏

Journey through time


It was a cold winter morning. As is the norm at the start of the year around these parts temps were below freezing. I set out for weekend grocery shopping in masked glory. Shopping list wasn’t too long. Even with my tendency to check out for interesting stuff, not necessarily required, wrapped up shopping quickly by my standards. Stepping out of the shop I was greeted by cold blast of wind. After dropping shopping bags in the trunk turned on the ignition of the car. It was quite cold inside the car. While waiting for the engine to warm up turned on the heater too. Longing for warmer weather my thoughts traveled and I drifted back in time to my early teens back in India.

It was a warm summer day late in the morning in the Mumbai / Bombay suburb Mulund. Summer holidays time. After my lunch I was itching for some activity. My brother was quite engrossed in reading a mystery novel. Other friends in the neighborhood were either preoccupied with whatever they were doing or out of town for the holidays. I decided to go out for a walk. Stepping out of our apartment I headed right. There were some late morning devotees entering and exiting the nearby Ashram Temple (A). I soon discovered my sandals needed some work. Luckily there was a cobbler right near the temple. Waiting as he set about repairing my sandals I could hear devotees ringing the temple bells. Could also hear the sound of flour mill (C) nearby grinding flour for customers who liked their dough fresh for their breads/naans/rotis/chapathis. Repair work done I turned right at the crossroad. Walking at a leisurely pace I was just soaking in the surroundings. To my right were trio of shops: Coal shop, Milk shop and ration shop (D). Coal guy was loading bags for delivery in his cart, Milk shop was serving a customer hot milk in Patiala mug sized containers, there was a line of customers at the ration shop waiting to buy fuel (kerosene), rice and other essentials at Government subsidized rates. Business as usual. I kept walking ahead. Just ahead of the next crossroad were couple of interesting shops: Ice factory (E) with huge blocks of ice covered by sawdust to slow down melting and also serving cold drinks and a used book store (F) which always used to be chock-a-block with all kinds of books, in shelves from floor to ceiling. Those were the days much before advent of personal computing. Always wondered how the book shop guy managed to remember what books were where. While all I could normally see was madness the guy must have had a method to it as he had been in business for years 😀 I decided to turn right instead of going straight as the Sun was, at the top of the game around noon time, beating down mercilessly. I resisted the temptation of buying crushed ice from the streetside vendor (G) who was selling crushed ice of all kinds of colors and flavors. At the next crossroad I again turned right. Just ahead of me to the right was Balaji / Raghavendra temple (H). Always had a bit of complicated relationship with God, sometimes transactional (especially around the times school exam results were due 🤣), sometimes pally when prayers were answered 😉 and sometimes angry when it seemed bad appear to be triumphing over good 😡. I did a mental bow and proceed ahead. 🙏 By the time I near the next crossroad my throat was parched and needed liquid replenishment. Fortunately there was a sugarcane juice shop (I) right there and I thought nothing better than a freshly crushed sugarcane with a hint of ginger for quenching thirst. 👌 I ordered a glass of the summertime favorite and closed my eyes. Suddenly I heard the loud ringing of telephone. Wondering where the sound came from I opened my eyes. 🤔 Imagine my surprise when I found myself inside my car and it was wife calling me on cellphone to ask me what was taking me so long 😅.

Broken out of my reverie and transported to the present I mumbled that I ran into an old friend at the grocery store 😉 and would be back home shortly. By then the inside of the car was hot as I must have been lost in my thoughts for a good 15 minutes. I opened the windows to let some outside air in. Nothing like a cold blast of air to jolt one back to reality. 🥶😆 Driving back home I was amused by the thought how my wife would react if she unmasked the “old friend” and learned I was referring to was myself, albeit younger. 😁 Was also hoping my marriage had a “can get lost in thought every now and then” clause for me to cover for reaching any place later than planned 🙏

Cookie Points!


Living in Wisconsin means snow in winter is a given! There are some fringe benefits though. For example, you can earn cookie points. Lost? Let me explain!

When I blow snow from my driveway and sidewalk I clear snow for my next door neighbor too. My reasoning is simple: I get some physical exercise and if I can get undue credit for snow blower doing the hard work, why not? 😉 Neighbor is a good person and feels guilty I do it for free. So, sometimes I get paid in kind. Neighbor knows I have sweet tooth and offers to make home-baked cookies for me in return. Of course it’s an offer I can’t refuse. Who says no to fresh, home-baked cookies, right? 😄

Couple of weeks ago I cleared snow and got a choice of 2 types of cookies: Peanut butter cookie with a little chocolate on top OR Chocolate chip cookies. Greedy me wanted to say “Make it a double order, I will have them both” 😂 but sometimes even I feel shame. 😢 So, I asked my son what he would prefer. With a rueful look he replied “I will adjust with chocolate chip cookies” . I was enraged. 😡 No, not for any good reason. I immediately shot back in mock rage “Hey, that’s my line!” à la that Seinfeld series episode where the main characters utter that line in a humorous way. 😊 Three dozen fresh, home-baked cookies were ready for dad and son to tuck teeth into by the time snow was cleared!

Today I was offered some more fresh, home-baked cookies as reward for clearing the snow. We still have some cookies left that we got as reward for our previous effort. Even though it was heartbreaking to say no I politely declined the offer and took a rain check instead. With the temps below freezing all week and for the next few days and a cup of joe always welcome in such weather the twisted side of me felt tempted to encourage the neighbor to become a barista. Another opportunity for neighbor to creatively express food and beverage art, what say? 🤣 Ultimately I convinced myself not to push my luck too far and be satisfied with cookies rain check.

Bottom line: My simple ambition in life is to do one good deed a day and crack one good joke a day. 🙏
Snowfall sometimes helps with the deed part. 👍
As for good joke, I still have some ways to go 😆